Tilak ceremony invitation wording, with a guide to the day

A tilak ceremony invitation is sent by the groom's family, who host the bride's relatives at their home, and it gives the date, time and place of the ceremony and the meal that follows. In many North Indian families, especially in Uttar Pradesh and Bihar, the tilak is when the bride's brother and male relatives visit the groom's home, apply a tilak to his forehead, and bring gifts, formally sealing the match before the wedding. Customs vary widely, so ask the elders what your family follows.

What happens at a tilak

1. The bride's family, traditionally her brother, father and male relatives, arrive at the groom's home.
2. A puja is performed, often to Ganesh.
3. The bride's brother applies a tilak of kumkum and rice to the groom's forehead.
4. Gifts are presented: clothes, sweets, fruit, dry fruit, and often items for the groom's new household.
5. Elders bless the groom, and the families exchange greetings.
6. A meal is served to the visiting family and the guests.

When it's held

The tilak is usually held a few days to a few weeks before the wedding, on a day chosen with the family priest. In some families it's combined with the roka or the sagai; in others it's its own day. If the bride's family is travelling from another city, the date is often fixed around their travel.

What the invitation should say

• The occasion: tilak, or tilak and sagai if combined.
• The groom's name, and the bride's family who are visiting.
• The date, the puja time and the meal time.
• The venue, usually the groom's home or a hall nearby.
• Whether it's for men only, or everyone.
• A contact person on the groom's side.

English wording

The names, dates and places below are examples.

Hindi wording

तिलकोत्सव (tilakotsav) is the formal Hindi name used on many cards; तिलक समारोह is equally common.

Planning the day

For the groom's family (hosts)

• Arrange seating for the puja, with a decorated low seat for the groom.
• Plan the welcome: a garland or tilak for each visiting elder at the door.
• Keep a table ready for the gift trays.
• Plan the meal around the visiting family's travel, especially if they're returning the same day.

For the bride's family (visitors)

• Agree on the gift list with the groom's family beforehand, to avoid awkward surprises.
• Decide who will apply the tilak, usually the bride's brother.
• Pack the tilak thali: kumkum, rice, a diya, sweets, and a coconut.
• Travel with a small buffer, so the puja isn't delayed.

What's usually on the gift trays

Plan the meal around the visitors. If the bride's family is travelling from another town, a lunch soon after the ceremony, and a quiet room to rest, is the kind of hospitality they'll talk about at the wedding.

Tilak, roka and sagai

These ceremonies overlap, and families use the names differently. Broadly, the roka is the first commitment between the families, the sagai is the engagement with rings, and the tilak is the bride's family honouring the groom. Some families hold all three; some only one. The ring ceremony rituals guide compares customs across communities, and the haldi wording guide covers the next function in many weddings. More are under wedding events.